Postpartum Photographer

I used to wake up at 4am to edit photos, build mood boards, or work on proposals. Now I wake up at 4am to feed my son. I’m almost three months postpartum and my life as a full-time photographer and business owner looks a lot different than it used to. I’ve spent the last 10 years building my photography business and the last 20 years creating behind a camera. Before becoming a mother, I really only felt at home with a camera in my hand, an unexplainable sense of grounding, connection and ease. Photography has always given me a purpose, a sense of belonging, a safe space. It’s was rare that anything else in life gave me this same feeling. Until I heard my son take his first breath.

After I gave birth, I didn’t pick up my cameras for two months. What used to be almost a daily routine, completely fell off as I was healing and nurturing this new life. To be honest, when I had my first shoot postpartum I even questioned if I still knew how. Sounds dramatic, but when you go from creating constantly to not at all, your brain messes with you. But just like riding a bike, as soon as I picked up my camera, I knew what to do without even thinking about it.

My phone’s camera roll is now filled with tiny feet, gummy smiles, and endless chunky cheeks. Although I’m overwhelmed in the best ways with a love I never knew existed, I’ve also been navigating what this new chapter looks like for me as a photographer. In a way, I’m grieving the freedom I once had to pick up my camera at any hour of the day and create, or the grounding I felt starting my day editing my photos in silence. But at the same time, I feel a new sense of freedom and confidence in who I am as an artist. Nothing feels more inspiring than knowing I created a life inside of me and I get to nurture the world that surrounds him and feeds him. I get to show him what it means to feel seen, to feel loved through someone’s eye.

On some days I feel scared that I may miss out on opportunities or fall behind in my craft. I think about all of the mamas who get left out of spaces or don’t have the time to invest in their creativity anymore. I feel anxious because my time looks so different and my to do list is endless.

Although I have less time to create these days (at least for now) my creativity feels more intentional, more deliberate, more aligned. Even though my body created this new life, my son’s existence birthed a new life for me. Im so grateful for all the other mamas that surround me and remind me that motherhood moved them into the most special chapter in their lives and also constantly inspires them as artists. I remind myself that even though my creative process looks different these days, I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. I know I’ll always be figuring out some stage of life and isn’t that the blessing in it all…learning who we are as we evolve and grow as humans and as artists?